April

So pretty much its been a month(?) since i have blogged, and i thought i'd do a sum up of this months feelings (copied from Chelsea) through photos and do a thank you post at the bottom ! Whoop.

lets get to it.

Went fishing in the easter holidays :)

Rachels Bday!

Eatin. Eatin.

Realized just how much I have changed over the years!

With da Wong; badass.

spent a whole day just eating and eating !
have to say the best day out of my holidays!

And yeah, thats pretty much it. Yeah, boring right? Cause my holidays have pretty much been consisting of two things; gym and work. I literally wake up at 10, go work, come home at 3, go gym, go dinner, hw etc sleep. Life sucks/boring whatever- same thing. AND- i didnt even accomplish much this holiday; (the hw bit was a lie) I hardly studied, my internals? Yeah, left them and even procrastinating to this moment of writing a well thought out blog. Amazing what we do to avoid homework huh? 

Well, to finish up, i guess i'll do a thank you post :)

And to be quite honest; this is more of my thoughts i guess for this one. 

Sometimes, i feel like im running around in circles, things never seem to get better, and when they do, its only for a short period of time... its like a spiral; the loop repeats- but it swirls down into something that gets harder and harder to fix.

I look at myself, i see the bad, and i see the good; i have changed alot (as shown in the photo above haha) both in the inside and out, well, so i think.

And the hardest thing to say about this friendship, is that we are still friends. I mean, are we? Maybe, i'm thinking too much, maybe i AM expecting too much... but i mean, everyone wants the best right? Maybe this is the best i was looking for, something we had before? 

Lately, the word "forgetting" has lost its meaning. We said we would forgive and forget, and tbh i've done my best- i dont bring up the old things and just try acting if i never knew him; acting as if we met for the first time, and hes the one that suggested it, start again- talk casually and try to be happy again.

But tbh, its not working. The instant i give him a chance to see if he will atleast try to tell me what hes doing for the day, actually fixing the loose ends; it backfires and created this large gap between us. And tbh, even he said he doesnt care; and it makes me look like the "bad person" 

So i guess, this post is more for myself; any explanation that needed to be done on my point of view that really no one knows about; Im trying, im accepting my wrongs, but honestly  there is only so much i can handle when he is doing the complete opposite of me. Lately, he's expecting too much from me; to not expect that i should be getting a text from him to see if he is coming home for dinner, (im his homestay for Gods sake) and that i cant even make my own jokes without "caring" how he feels.

And honestly, as everyone knows, i can be quite rude-funny. Quite mean actually, i do admit that. And he cant take it..? I do annoying screams which has been a habit, (AHH) but he gets all moody and gives a big sigh "I told you, i hate it when people scream."
And I have to keep my thoughts in, "I hate it when people text others when im talking to them. I hate it when people play GAMES when im talking to them. I hate it when people dont look at me in the eye when i talk to them." These thoughts, are mine that i keep, and i've shared. 

These are manners, and he cant uphold them; yet he complains about something i do when im bored.
Playing with something else when you are having a conversation is plain rude sorry? Unless, that person is legit going to die and kill themselves, i dont see why you cant give 10 minutes of talking time.

(im getting aggressive yes.) Its just that.. its arrogant that you think you are Mr.Perfect when there are so many things that we all have to fix. You cant even take criticism and try to change for the better.. so really.. what gives you right to tell me to improve.
"Christian" huh?  

But aside the anger (Can go on.) There are were good things too. I mean, this was why he was my best friend after all. This post is to remind me, to REMEMBER the GOOD things about him, they are worth keeping. It is to keep pushing myself to try, even though everything is not going anywhere at all...

So heres onto the thank you post. But lets start off with a little photos; the times when we were both immature; and even when we were matured, how we still managed to be goofy and enjoy the time we had together. These were times when i guess we really were best friends huh!?

Back all in 2010' you were a loser, and i somehow was your best friend cause of that!
This is where it all began as best friends- always watching movies with Jess and talking shit; all that !

DERPIN. Matching jackets HAHA. accidental for all you guys thinking we are gay.
Always bumming and making jokes back then `2011

Retards.

I forgot for whatever reason why we took this but yo. Its here.
reminds me of how close us 3 used to be too! DMCs on those stairs huh ;)

I was sick as on this day  ! And you were there at my house to make me food and all that !
Shot bro ! I'll remember those times !!

Just cut of all my hair, looking derpy as.

Going on our runs back then ! Me being a douche as usual and even though it was for other reasons..
(you never did have bros>hoes (not that she was one) ) But guess i was too dumb to realize it back then.
Different morals. period.

Before you left to HK ! 

IN HK. Kinda look similar here actually.
Brothers?

Here too ! Losers.

OH AND HERE TOO. WOW.

Finally came back ! 2012.

Still enjoying our craziness back then ! Peak time?

IDK... cant explain. We were weird.

Still did "gay" and retarded as stuff back then.
(kinda miss my hair here)

Used to do this to you in the morning. LOL
Point is, make me food.

I helped you turn from single to not on this day. Also. lost my two sources of happiness.
Good job on ruining your life from here.

Ballin`

You were still the retarded one doing all the stupid stuff back then huh?
Meanwhile, look at john and his sexiness.

Wendys bday!

I was beyond dead.

My last photo with just me and you derpin. The 2nd day you came back to NZ 2013!

BEST FRIENDS 2010-2013.

2013 card for the homestay.

Thank you Kelvin: Honestly, from enemy to friend, to best friends.. where do i start. I always looked at you as my little brother, regardless of the difference in our age gap; i dont know, it just seemed reasonable seeing you always had a baby face haha. I love how me and charles used to gang up on you, when you were considered "gay" and even to this day haha. I still remember when Sam Kim came to our class in year 10, and you and Hayden started hating on us cause i excluded you; my mistake ! Anyways, thank you for just listening to me when i actually needed someone to be there- you can probably save lifes if you actually listen like you used to and give advice bro ! Thank you genuinely caring when i was sick and needed to be a little disabled kid; where you made me food, got me water, reminded me to take my medicine; all those little things. again, saved ma life g. Thank you for the laughs to entertain me endlessly ! Thanks for letting me be the first you opened up to ! Thank you for also teaching me all these little neat things.

In general, thank you for being my best-friend, my brother, my family.

you were worth every penny.

i miss being family.