April

So pretty much its been a month(?) since i have blogged, and i thought i'd do a sum up of this months feelings (copied from Chelsea) through photos and do a thank you post at the bottom ! Whoop.

lets get to it.

Went fishing in the easter holidays :)

Rachels Bday!

Eatin. Eatin.

Realized just how much I have changed over the years!

With da Wong; badass.

spent a whole day just eating and eating !
have to say the best day out of my holidays!

And yeah, thats pretty much it. Yeah, boring right? Cause my holidays have pretty much been consisting of two things; gym and work. I literally wake up at 10, go work, come home at 3, go gym, go dinner, hw etc sleep. Life sucks/boring whatever- same thing. AND- i didnt even accomplish much this holiday; (the hw bit was a lie) I hardly studied, my internals? Yeah, left them and even procrastinating to this moment of writing a well thought out blog. Amazing what we do to avoid homework huh? 

Well, to finish up, i guess i'll do a thank you post :)

And to be quite honest; this is more of my thoughts i guess for this one. 

Sometimes, i feel like im running around in circles, things never seem to get better, and when they do, its only for a short period of time... its like a spiral; the loop repeats- but it swirls down into something that gets harder and harder to fix.

I look at myself, i see the bad, and i see the good; i have changed alot (as shown in the photo above haha) both in the inside and out, well, so i think.

And the hardest thing to say about this friendship, is that we are still friends. I mean, are we? Maybe, i'm thinking too much, maybe i AM expecting too much... but i mean, everyone wants the best right? Maybe this is the best i was looking for, something we had before? 

Lately, the word "forgetting" has lost its meaning. We said we would forgive and forget, and tbh i've done my best- i dont bring up the old things and just try acting if i never knew him; acting as if we met for the first time, and hes the one that suggested it, start again- talk casually and try to be happy again.

But tbh, its not working. The instant i give him a chance to see if he will atleast try to tell me what hes doing for the day, actually fixing the loose ends; it backfires and created this large gap between us. And tbh, even he said he doesnt care; and it makes me look like the "bad person" 

So i guess, this post is more for myself; any explanation that needed to be done on my point of view that really no one knows about; Im trying, im accepting my wrongs, but honestly  there is only so much i can handle when he is doing the complete opposite of me. Lately, he's expecting too much from me; to not expect that i should be getting a text from him to see if he is coming home for dinner, (im his homestay for Gods sake) and that i cant even make my own jokes without "caring" how he feels.

And honestly, as everyone knows, i can be quite rude-funny. Quite mean actually, i do admit that. And he cant take it..? I do annoying screams which has been a habit, (AHH) but he gets all moody and gives a big sigh "I told you, i hate it when people scream."
And I have to keep my thoughts in, "I hate it when people text others when im talking to them. I hate it when people play GAMES when im talking to them. I hate it when people dont look at me in the eye when i talk to them." These thoughts, are mine that i keep, and i've shared. 

These are manners, and he cant uphold them; yet he complains about something i do when im bored.
Playing with something else when you are having a conversation is plain rude sorry? Unless, that person is legit going to die and kill themselves, i dont see why you cant give 10 minutes of talking time.

(im getting aggressive yes.) Its just that.. its arrogant that you think you are Mr.Perfect when there are so many things that we all have to fix. You cant even take criticism and try to change for the better.. so really.. what gives you right to tell me to improve.
"Christian" huh?  

But aside the anger (Can go on.) There are were good things too. I mean, this was why he was my best friend after all. This post is to remind me, to REMEMBER the GOOD things about him, they are worth keeping. It is to keep pushing myself to try, even though everything is not going anywhere at all...

So heres onto the thank you post. But lets start off with a little photos; the times when we were both immature; and even when we were matured, how we still managed to be goofy and enjoy the time we had together. These were times when i guess we really were best friends huh!?

Back all in 2010' you were a loser, and i somehow was your best friend cause of that!
This is where it all began as best friends- always watching movies with Jess and talking shit; all that !

DERPIN. Matching jackets HAHA. accidental for all you guys thinking we are gay.
Always bumming and making jokes back then `2011

Retards.

I forgot for whatever reason why we took this but yo. Its here.
reminds me of how close us 3 used to be too! DMCs on those stairs huh ;)

I was sick as on this day  ! And you were there at my house to make me food and all that !
Shot bro ! I'll remember those times !!

Just cut of all my hair, looking derpy as.

Going on our runs back then ! Me being a douche as usual and even though it was for other reasons..
(you never did have bros>hoes (not that she was one) ) But guess i was too dumb to realize it back then.
Different morals. period.

Before you left to HK ! 

IN HK. Kinda look similar here actually.
Brothers?

Here too ! Losers.

OH AND HERE TOO. WOW.

Finally came back ! 2012.

Still enjoying our craziness back then ! Peak time?

IDK... cant explain. We were weird.

Still did "gay" and retarded as stuff back then.
(kinda miss my hair here)

Used to do this to you in the morning. LOL
Point is, make me food.

I helped you turn from single to not on this day. Also. lost my two sources of happiness.
Good job on ruining your life from here.

Ballin`

You were still the retarded one doing all the stupid stuff back then huh?
Meanwhile, look at john and his sexiness.

Wendys bday!

I was beyond dead.

My last photo with just me and you derpin. The 2nd day you came back to NZ 2013!

BEST FRIENDS 2010-2013.

2013 card for the homestay.

Thank you Kelvin: Honestly, from enemy to friend, to best friends.. where do i start. I always looked at you as my little brother, regardless of the difference in our age gap; i dont know, it just seemed reasonable seeing you always had a baby face haha. I love how me and charles used to gang up on you, when you were considered "gay" and even to this day haha. I still remember when Sam Kim came to our class in year 10, and you and Hayden started hating on us cause i excluded you; my mistake ! Anyways, thank you for just listening to me when i actually needed someone to be there- you can probably save lifes if you actually listen like you used to and give advice bro ! Thank you genuinely caring when i was sick and needed to be a little disabled kid; where you made me food, got me water, reminded me to take my medicine; all those little things. again, saved ma life g. Thank you for the laughs to entertain me endlessly ! Thanks for letting me be the first you opened up to ! Thank you for also teaching me all these little neat things.

In general, thank you for being my best-friend, my brother, my family.

you were worth every penny.

i miss being family.

Easter

Well, this is actually something i was planning to write about since Good friday, which... is only last week, but hey! I was busy aite? ;) Anyways, i finally got round to having time to share what i got up to on Good Friday.

Well. pretty much, I went to church, and instead of your normal youth where we get a little sharing about life lessons etc, we had some proper alone time to reflect on what we have done, how we are, whats been happening. AND, well, it was actually quite nice; when you're given a pen and paper, for 2 hours, you cant help but do what you are actually told to do, and i ended up scribbling quite alot of thoughts on that piece of paper. And here I am, to share with you guys what i wrote haha; something thankful :)

Well; While reflecting, i've realized that i've been distancing myself from God, its been ups and downs, and i somehow always seem to have an excuse to force myself not to go youth; perhaps it was this hate i probably had towards the church; all that judging that they put me through, yet they are the ones that preach about not judging... and it was. But this was not just their fault, it was mine. I should have forgiven them, like God has forgiven me for all the wrong that i have done. This was when i started to finally realize again that youth is not just about the people, its about God. So instead on focusing on all these problems and things that run through my head, i should just go to church; not so i can socialize, but be in a place where there would be little distraction, and where i can fully just let myself out to God.

And throughout that night, the message that i received from God was just a simple one; to forgive everyone that you are resenting, hating... whatever the cause may be. And to be honest, it was easier said than done, but hey; I fully just let him take over me that night, and i did my best; talked to those i have once held a grudge at, talk to those who i have not spoken to for long periods of times, and just have a good time; the satisfaction of truly loving everyone once again.

So i thought i'd just write a little something for those (just some, wait for post two guys :) who have encouraged me through the tough roads that i have been through, when no one else had seemed to be there for. You guys were/are my inspiration, you guys have changed me for the better, and each have taught me something that others couldnt. So thank you.

Thank you Aimee: This little girl (lol), probably doesnt know it, but has helped me stop doing much of the things i had done before. Those moments i once had with her were the reasons why i kept smiling and laughing randomly at stupid times by myself, and they still are sometimes. They're stupid, and i really miss our immaturity; when we could just start to laugh by having a laughing contest; like, who could laugh the loudest kinda thing. You've listened to my crap i have had to say to you for a long time, and i thank you for it, even though it was during our stupid math lessons where we didnt learn anything; it was one of the best times i could ask from you; those stupid questions we had, they brought joy to me. Thank you little one; my childhood friend, my sister.

have no idea how to rotate, but yo. 2010 for you LOL.

Thank you Gary: This goi, tank as now. He was the one pushing me to meet God, and giving me opportunities that some people never gave me. He showed me the ropes in becoming a Christian; giving me rides and all that so that i can attend church in the first place. I thank him cause hes the one that taught me to open up to others as well as letting me realize the talents that God has given me. He had inspired me by wanting to be a youth leader when i first met him haha, the thought of being able to help others meet God was just an inspiring idea. Thank you for being the one to listen and give me honest opinions; those constant reminders and little mockings you give me, looking after me in HK and all that ! You were like the first older brother;family that i had in Church that genuinely cared. Thank you my leader, my teacher, my brother.

Leaving photo with the gary chan.

Thank you Rachel: Energetic. Yes, i think that is the word. You were the girl i started to talk to in year 10, and in year 11 when we started to actually get to know each other properly and began our best-friendship(wonnngs.) Thank you for encouraging me through the tough times i had come across with people. Thanks to her, i became a better person through the constant nagging and honesty that she had given me about my character. Your smile honestly lights up quite alot of peoples faces as well, so be sure to keep that smile there, and please, keep encouraging me :D i need it ;) Its the best thing i could pretty much ask from someone (that or food) You;ve been keeping me happy and attended all those partys together ;) that pretty much made us not get invited to anything in the future cause we keep gapping. HAHAHA. Thank you for genuinely caring for me as well, you're probably one of the few that could actually read me like a book; knowing if something is wrong before i could even tell myself it was wrong. Thank you for all the times we have spent together; like back in the day when we went out countless times with John,Helen and Andy and even now, when you are helping me out with problems; whether it be about friendships, relationships or even chemistry (har har, very funny) it has taken me a long way from how i was before. You have made me a better person that what i was, alot better, and thanks for making me understand others a whole lot better too :) Thank you my best friend, my other Wong, my sister.

wow this is old. BEYOND OLD. WHAT WAS I WEARING. SOMEONE EXPLAIN HAHA.

and lucky last post for tonight 

Thank you Chelsea: Amazing. Probably one of the most influential people that i have personally came across that has made me want to actually meet God properly; as i have seen the work that has been done through Chelsea so thoroughly; from a girl i originally did not have a great impression on; to one of the most wonderful people that i know of; being able to give the best feedback regardless what situation it is; even if she hasnt been through it. Her undying hope for God and her genuine care she has towards everyone; noticing the best of someone, even with all their flaws. Thank you for showing me these things; as i am slowly picking them up for myself too :) Thank you for giving me the opportunity to do worship with you, pushing me so that i can experience God so much; honestly, it has got to be one of the best experiences of my life, and i would give anything to try it again. Thank you Chelsea, you are probably one of the big reasons that i keep a big grin on my face everytime i listen to one of those songs you send me :P Thank you for being one of the first few younger people i talked to and attempted to help; with you encouraging me to help others as well. You also showed me the talents that i have been given from God, thank you for showing me it, and i'll do my best to do it in a way i serve Him well. :) I remember when we started hanging out properly; the awkward first few meetings with Steph ;) but eventually turned well :) Thank you for inviting me to your birthday, even though we just started talking and starting to know each other better :) I wish you the best for the future. Thank you my psychologist, my overseas best friend, my sister. 

what cutiees. you looking fabulous as always :P

Anyways, i think i'll be doing more of these Thank you posts. They seem to make my day, and i hope they make others too :) and finding all these photos are really nostalgic arent they haha. :P 

Anyways, nighty nights guys :)

 

Catch-up.

So i havent blogged in a while, and this is actually cause i have SOOO much assignments and all that to do, that i actually just forget and cant be bothered in a while. But hey, look, i found time now, so this is pretty much what i've been up to for the past few weeks or so.

Well, tbh, i havent been the best for the past few weeks, stuff happens and i think we get the idea that it isnt good haha. Well, mainly cause i know that alot of people; especially my "supposedly close friends" are judging me over things that they dont have the full story of. In general, i have been treated quite shitly from some people and idk, i dont really care? But at the same time i do, like... it sucks that people instantly believe others without confronting me first. They think that others are going through a tough time; much worse than what i am going through, but trust me, if you atleast bother to try and see how im getting through things, you'll see that maybe things are just a little bit different.

I've been stuck on who is actually my best friend or even, a true friend for the past few weeks. Much of them seem to just bitch on me when they have the chance, (i must be such a fun topic huh? HAHAH) without realizing the wrongs that they also commit to as well. Tbh, i dont mind people talking about me, as long as they confront me about it to me afterwards, i mean, are you too scared, as my friend, to tell me what you dont like about me? How can we even call each other friends if you are petrified of seeing me. I mean, you guys say i cant accept your flaws and i should learn to deal with it, but bro, if you cant accept mine; my temper, my dull face when im tired, then bro, why should i accept yours? Actions show alot more than words, you're getting attitude from me? Tbh, you should think of what you did first, i dont normally give people attitude first unless they did shit to me first. So actually think from my perspective you douche heads.

Stop judging me if your own morals are to not judge. Know the full story before you come to conclusions. And frankly, if this is your way of trying to fix things; such as being cunts to me, ignoring me, giving me attitude, not telling me anything at all, bitching about me, then uhmm, dont expect much from me.

Sorry, i just realized i had a huge rant, but holy. It really gets to me, since im such a "bad influence" and i seem to just kill everyone huh?
"Christians" they call themselves huh?

birthday.

sup guys, and as some of you guys may have known, my bday just passed recently (background cheer)

AND, as a result, i was gonna aim for some goals this year, after my bday, hopefully LOL.

FIRST OF ALL :)
Forget all the shit that people have ever done to me, this may be being a rude cunt, a dick, whatever LOL. Forgiven :D cause thats what God wants us to do.

2ndly, aim to be a happier person and stop snobbing people :)
3rdly; talk to more juniors lol. why am i so anti-social. some of them are actually pretty cool people.

4th, be a better role model; improving myself as a whole.

ANYWAYS :) AND HERES A SUMMARY OF MY BDAY :D

I loved it :)

I think it was honestly one of the most best-est bdays i've had haha. Although there could have been many improvements, overall i think it was good ! Didnt get sleep for the whole weekend, and ended up with only around 12 hours to set up the whole thing with food etc. SO! it went well, kinda HAHA.

Got like, good presents and i loved them all haha; got tops, dress-shirts, condoms, food, AND an IPHONE 5. (EVERYONE JUST SCREAM YAY)

Honestly, did not even expect that at all. kinda came at me, like  9/11 ; it was unexpected(but thats not racist) and ! have to say thank you to all my mates that came and got me all this honestly. Made me feel shit loads good about myself haha; kinda like, putting all the effort to make this for everyone to get a good time, and to just feel good that talking and listening to people can actually mean stuff for some people :)

LOL

LOL, those stupid people on fb that just like everything; hoping that they would get more likes in return when they dont even know them properly, and deep inside. the person's stuff they like, yeah, well they probably dont even like you lol.

shitfaces.

-quote

there is a huge difference between genuinely liking someone and liking the attention they give you and it took me a long ass time to realize that

5 Things to be thankful for

1) Your fam-bam; they raised you up, and pretty much brought you up and made you who you are!
2) Your friends; they listened to all the stuff you had to say and made you smile through the hardships
3) Your teachers; hard to say, but they taught you all the shit that you had to learn hahaha.
4) Yourself; you run your life, if you make it good, it'll be good :)
5) God; For remembering to wake you up today and making all these wonderful things happen in your life. AWWWW CHEEEEESSSY.